


Cold Front

by angel_xx



Series: Bond/Leiter: The Complete Playlist [1]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Heartwarming, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Vulnerability, breakdown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:00:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29401632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_xx/pseuds/angel_xx
Summary: Bond had a mental breakdown after being reprimanded by M, and Leiter consoles him.
Relationships: James Bond/Felix Leiter
Series: Bond/Leiter: The Complete Playlist [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2159898
Comments: 10
Kudos: 9
Collections: MI6 Cafe Collections





	Cold Front

**Author's Note:**

  * For [artsytarts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsytarts/gifts).



> Written for MI6Cafe’s Rare Pair February.
> 
> Happy Birthday, Misha! Thank you for letting me use your art for inspiration for this fic. Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I loved writing it. Love you!
> 
> I also used the song "Cold Front" by Laura Welsh to inspire this writing.

When M hands down a scolding, he always goes for the jugular. He gets loud, vents and blows off steam. He takes issue with Bond’s bluntness, arrogance and ego. One would think Bond would use his sense of humour to intimidate people who are a threat to him. He used to get loud back, right back in his face, but to be perfectly honest, it was more hassle than what it was really worth.

So now he simply smirks and says, “Are you done? I’ve got better things to do.” That stops M from blowing his top pretty quick. _After all, it is true. Bond really does have better things to do_. After much contemplation, M suspends Bond from active duty.

Bond goes home. Silence was the only thing he greeted when he opened the door and slammed the door shut after entering the flat. Bond peels out of his layers and drops it uncaringly, dragging his foot towards the bathroom and carelessly drops his burner phone and wallet somewhere by the sink top.

Bond sloppily removes his tie and navy dinner jacket. Subconsciously, he released them from his trembling fingers.

> _Don’t wanna think about it_
> 
> _Don’t need a picture of it_

The panic starts as a piece of tissue, something Bond’s fingers could pierce breathing holes in. In another minute or two, the panic is a deluge of ice water surrounding his limbs, creeping higher until it passes his mouth and nose. That’s when the attack becomes absolute, shutting his body down as fast as punching a biochemical reset button.

> _I think we’ve travelled enough_

An invincible hand clasped over Bond’s mouth; an equally ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline pierces through his heart, and unloaded in an instant. He could feel his ribs heaving - as if bound by ropes, straining to inflate his lungs. Bond’s head is a carousel of fears spinning out of control, each one plunging his mind further into darkness. _I want to run; I need to freeze._

> _No resolution to it, constant confusion_

The thoughts were accelerating inside Bond’s head. Emotions swirled with the ice water circling the cold metal drain as streaks of fire scalded his cheeks. Each wave sent a hot trail of agony as his strong, bare shoulders shook violently in each rake of emotion through his frame. 

The fire of shame and anger burned just beneath Bond’s skin and a deep emptiness filled his heart as the sentiments brewed over and boiled past the seams that he could no longer hold together.

Bond’s breathing hitched as his knees grew weak and slumped to the cold tiles on the floor. There was no hope for a man who cried to his death in the shower, drowning himself in his tears of hell.

> _The kind that tears you up_

Bond’s phone vibrated in his now soaked trousers. Carefully he got out of the bathtub and fumbled for his phone and Walther and sets them down on the floor.

He knew Leiter was calling. His breath comes in gasps, and he feels like he will black out any second now. Bond’s heart was hammering inside his chest as if it belonged to a rabbit running for its skin. 

> _So could we alter the lies?_
> 
> _Could we open the night?_

Bond had always been self-conscious when he cried but now he just gave way to the enormity of his grief. He sobbed into his hands and the tears dripped between his fingers, raining down onto the bathroom tiles. His breathing was ragged, gasping and the strength left his legs once more. 

He sank to the floor, not caring about the grit that dug into his knees. His phone was still vibrating.

Bond’s crying was both ferocious and noisy - he blinked briny tears from his bloodshot eyes and they made wet tracks down his face and dripped from his stubbled, wobbling chin. His skin was blotched but there was no one there to witness it, let alone comfort him. He could run a mile in any direction and still not find anyone to save him. He cried until no more tears came, but still, the emptiness and sorrow remained. Dusk fell, yet his still defeated position remained unmoved. There was no reason to move.

The phone had stopped vibrating after a while. It’s probably _dead_.

> _The signs are screaming at us_

The numbness Bond felt had passed, and the pain would hit him out of nowhere, racking his body with sobs. _Where are you?_ Bond thought to himself. Of course, there was never any answer.

> _The signs are screaming_

Leiter cursed harshly when the call cuts off to an automated voice.

“We are unable to connect your call at this time. Please try again later.”

A hollow silence followed after. Leiter called for the bill and he drove back to their flat. The queasiness and worry settled uneasily on the pit of his stomach, threatening to leave his throat with every second that goes by.

Leiter watched his own hands struggle against the door as he pushed it open, and saw the brand-new woollen coat he got for Bond on the floor. “Bond?” He called out, putting the coat and his coat on the hanger. “Bond? Where are you?” He asked again.

_No response._

> _Sad, but we will break it_

Leiter felt a pang of worry creep in down to the pit of his stomach as he looked into the bathroom. There, he saw the agent, curled into a ball and could hear the stifled breathing between Bond’s knees.

> _I don't wanna leave you now_
> 
> _I don't wanna leave you now_

Bond gags at the thought of Leiter’s calloused hand tugging on his chin. His body was shaking uncontrollably as if he were going through a seizure. Bond could feel Leiter’s hands gently resting on his shoulders but he shrugged them off. He might be idealistic, but he’d rather be solitary. 

> _You’re afraid of falling over the line_

Bond doesn’t want anyone to know that he had been crying, especially when he’s known to be of sound mind and strong spirit. The diabolical independence, sensibility and maturity he had growing up had proven to be turning against him right now.

He does not console himself by surrounding himself with others nor does he find interest in discussing his problems with other people (regardless if it was his loved one). He would rather much run, ski, hike, swim, dive and climb to seek solace and comfort than vent to someone about what he was truly feeling. Bottling up seemed like a better alternative, or so he thought.

When Bond cried again, there was a tinge of rawness to it, like the pain was still an open wound waiting to be stitched up again. He would grasp onto something for support, anything, the toilet seat or the edges of his bathtub, and then his whole body would shake. The sobs were stifled at first as he attempted to hide his grief, then overcome by the brutal wave of his emotions he would break down entirely, all of his armour washed away in those salty tears. When he, at last, turned his face to Leiter, he was a painting of grief, loss and devastation. It was the face of one who had suffered before and didn’t know if he would do it again. Then, just as when he thought the breakthrough would come and he would trust Leiter with his vulnerability, the shutters came down, his emotion walled off behind a mask of ‘coping’. He would just wear it until everything was right again, as he didn’t know any other way.

“James... Are you alright?” 

“m’ fine.” answered the sobbing man.

> _I can see you're faking_

Bond has a look in his eye Leiter has seen before, but not on him, or on a person for that matter. It’s the look Leiter has seen back in Langley, in those horses’ eyes when they come in for schooling at the ranch, wild, not even knowing what people are. It doesn’t belong on his face and it scares Leiter. Bond’s the one who always knows what to do. _What happened?_ Then he bends over double, hands on his knees, struggling to regulate his breathing.

> _I don't wanna leave you now_
> 
> _I don't wanna leave you now_

Bond’s hearing is the first to return, then his eyesight follows suit. He’s still shaking as he pushes back onto his knees. Leiter is now quietly squatting next to him, waiting for Bond to calm down.

> _Can't we just talk about it?_

Leiter broke the silence. “Do you want to talk about it? I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

> _Instead of skating from it?_

There was a silence that filled the room. Bond felt the chill in his blood, the cold from the harsh winter bringing the synapses of his brain to a stand-still. Part of the pain he was experiencing was one that he can endure; one that he could sleep through night after night without the anaesthesia of false hopes. The other was one that required a heavy dose of painkillers, sleeping pills and alcohol to knock him out.

_He doesn’t want to talk about it. Not after what happened back at MI6 earlier this morning._

> _I think we've wandered enough_

“Bond, I can’t heal you, but I want you to know that I can help you to heal yourself. My love for you is like a meadow, a quiet place to reflect. In the stillness, you can let the hurricane that is your pain to slow down, perhaps stop when you have calmed down. It is at this time that you can begin to take steps forward, to learn that everything will be okay. I care for you, but we heal from within if it’s to last. That skitter-scatter mind of yours is looking for a way to live in peace and thrive. It is the reason for your lack of focus. I want you to know that your mind is powerful and strong, and it will prevail, devoting itself to find a way forward that works for you. The quieter I am, with the truest love for you, the faster you will grow strong. I know it hurts, babe. I know. Try to listen to music, move, walk, paint, enjoy sunshine and birds... cut out negative media... and know I'm always loving you so very much.” Leiter utters under his breath, brushing Bond’s hair away from his bright blue eyes.

> _Cold front with everybody_

The left side of Bond’s faint red lip tugged upwards and he smirked slightly. He wanted to thank Leiter, but he felt that if he was going to speak another word he was going to be driven to tears again. _The smirk should be able to stop Leiter from being worried for me_ , Bond thought. But little did he know, Leiter was still concerned about his wellbeing subtly in the bottom of his heart.

> _The bittersweet embrace_
> 
> _Kind that fused too much_

Bond edged his hand towards Leiter’s rough hands ever so slightly, until he felt his fingertips brushed his hand. Those rough hands were his ‘medication’, his heart-song and his light, for that is love. Leiter unfurled his fingers and let Bond’s slip around his until he could feel the warmth of his palm pressed against his own.

Leiter plants kisses on Bond’s cheek and wiped the sole tear that dwindled down his eyelid. Leiter’s kiss is not at all the same as those movie stars, but one that steeped in a passion that ignites. In that kiss, is a promise of realness, a promise that he will stay with Bond forever in spite of anything. And with it, it tells Bond that Leiter is connected within, that he embraces himself rather than hide as a duplicate copy of those romantic idols in the movies.

“I love you, Bond. I’ll love you till the end of time. I love you to the furthest planet from Earth and back.” Leiter whispered.

“...love you too,” Bond murmured back.

> _So could we alter the pace?_

Bond inches towards Leiter’s chest for a hug. In Leiter’s embrace, the world stopped still on its axis. There was no passage of time, no wind, no rain. Bond’s mind was at peace. How could it be that he hadn’t seen Leiter’s love for what it was before? Pure. Altruistic. Undemanding. Free. Bond felt his body press in, soft and warm. He felt his worries lose their keen string and his optimism raise its head from the dirt.

> _Could we open the race?_

This was the love that he’d waited and longed for. He inwardly thanked his lucky stars and hugged all the tighter. A love like this was to be cherished for life. Finally, he was home. The pieces of his heart that had been struggling to fit into this world became so quiet when cuddling with Leiter; it was as if they had found peace as if they needed his glue to bridge the wounds and connect.

Perhaps all the hope had been there all along, but without Leiter’s love, it was trapped, like crystals in a stone. Bond felt Leiter brush his hair back with his fingers and kissed him gently. 

> _I don’t wanna leave you now_
> 
> _I don’t wanna leave you now_

In Leiter's eyes, there was humanity, the person he really is. There are times it gets lost when he wears that suit and he becomes the man the world demands of him. But Bond saw it in your eyes that day in the sunshine, waiting for the crossing to turn brown. He saw the love that burns there too, the sort that goes for eternity. There is something in Leiter's spirit that dances when he plays, like a fire giving just the right amount of warmth. He has seen it die too, the flames almost extinguished, when you are under the gun of guilt, shame and fear. Bond knows that isn't the true him, not the real version, the person he loves with everything. That's why he had to look into Leiter's eyes, to see the real him before Bond loses the opportunity. Leiter had to see him, the man who messes up but would do anything in his power to keep Leiter safe, to keep him emotionally healthy. So when Bond looks at Leiter, he sees a burst of cheerful mischief and Leiter sees the vulnerable version of Bond, the one beneath the mask. Bond needed that - to be known - for who he really is.

After a while, Leiter tugs Bond to bed and puts a kettle of tea on the stove. While he was waiting for the kettle to boil over, he took a quick peek into the bedroom door.

Through the half-open door came the most expressive eyes. They were the colour of a clear blue sky through a broken prison wall; the colour of a perfect raindrop on a blue aster; the colour of a river hurrying to join the great ocean. Bond was nuzzling in the sheets and reading Dangerous Liaisons, by Choderlos de Laclos.

The whistle of the kettle sends Leiter back into the kitchen to pour them both a serving each, and he steps into the room to set the cups on the bedside table. He climbs into bed and wraps his arms around Bond’s shoulders. Those linen sheets were Bond and Leiter’s heaven, for they loved their bed so much that they gave to them a sense of joy and relief.

Leiter takes the book from Bond’s hands got him to lie down. He began reading the line that Bond stopped on. "As I began to love you, I began to realise that beauty was the least of your qualities. I became fascinated by your goodness. I was drawn in by it. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. And it was only when I began to feel actual, physical pain every time you left the room that it finally dawned on me: I was in love, for the first time in my life.” While he read on, Bond was getting tired. Warmth and darkness enveloped him, and he soon succumbed to the call of sleep.

> _I don’t wanna leave you now_
> 
> _I don’t wanna leave you now_

Leiter followed suit after a few minutes, with a slow smile spreading on his lips, which depicts how relieved he felt when he could be of help to Bond.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed reading! If you did, leave a kudos and/or comment! Thank you all for reading :) <3
> 
> You can find the link to Misha's amazing art piece here: https://artsytarts.tumblr.com/post/636525768284962816/vent-art-and-background-practice-all-in-one


End file.
